Reclaiming the Self: I have spent time lately reading again through my book Finding Hayley Finding Me, just tweaking this and that, before I take the next step of publishing. As I read through it I found that the change in me from the start of the book to the end of the book really struck home to me. Although I have obviously grown much more since the end of the story, I noticed how much I had been a young woman without a sense of Self. I had no sense of my own worth – but by the end of the book that had changed dramatically.
Having had our darling daughter, Gemma, here with us over Christmas and New Year I found myself urging her to learn now, in her 20s, the art of asserting herself, for it took me until my 50s to learn it. Even just by speaking up at the dentist, or the doctor, or the hairdresser when you are feeling uncomfortable in some way (I suffered unnecessary discomfort and sometimes pain from a sense of less importance to these professional people) when in such circumstances an assertive word would have changed that for me. Now, there is no way I won’t speak up – I am very confident in my assertiveness, but also aware to be courteous along with it, for there is no place for rudeness in any interaction.
I recognise now that it is a journey that some need to take, where for others it is not an issue. Of course there are those who are over the top with their assertiveness and need to learn about subtracting rudeness from the equation. I guess I am glad that my journey was not of that bent. I’d rather grow from being insipid than having to learn not to be rude, but that is just my perception of life.
Reclaiming the Self came with my spiritual growth perhaps even more than personal development, and certainly with maturity. Once I grew into my spiritual awareness of Self, I blossomed. I learned self-love. I had never understood self-love. Until then I perceived it as something vain and selfish. I learned that that perception could not be further from the truth. My inner world came into balance and that in turn presented to the outside world.
I feel really sad for the girl at the beginning of my story – thank God for Hayley’s unwitting influence and example of what potential was inside of me. I may have learned it from other avenues had my life not entwined with Hayley’s, but the fact that it did has created a chamber of gratitude within my heart. I’m not suggesting that Hayley felt she ‘had it all together’, but she was so much further down the track than me that I had much to learn from her. Our coming together had so many blessings. Learning to reclaim the Self was only one. The others are for other posts . . . just to keep you on a string!!!!!!!
With love and light.